Golfpocalypse
I want to be a Draw Alpha, not a Fade Beta
Simon Hofmann
Golfpocalypse is a weekly collection of words about golf (professional and otherwise) with very little in the way of a point, and the Surgeon General says it will make you a worse person. Reach out to The Golfpocalypse with your questions or comments on absolutely anything at shane.spr8@gmail.com.
Tuesday, I released this tweet into the wild and somehow it took on a life of its own, with 300k views and counting. You have to click through to see the whole thing:
(I'm pretty sure all Twitter view counts are cooked and meaningless, but anyway, this dumb throwaway tweet got wayyyy more traction than things I've worked literal months on. The Internet is hell.)
My depiction of the wild, roguish, implosive draw in contrast to the sterilized fade was a joke, but only kinda. And the fact that so many people related to it proves my train of thought isn't unique. Now, let's be super clear: In my own game, I am expressly not good enough as a 13ish handicap to hit a draw or fade on command. If I try to do one or the other, I can get it going in the right direction, but it usually ends in a hook or a slice. So I just try to hit it straight, and see what the universe gives me in terms of trajectory. Lately, that has been a fade, which is infuriating because with a driver, my fade goes about 30 yards shorter than a draw would, and it's not fun to be hitting 5-iron on every approach.
But it's not just distance that ... draws me to the draw. I'll be honest: It's aesthetics. A draw is gorgeous, powerful, and wildly satisfying on a gut level, while a fade feels weak and disappointing. I have no idea why this is the case inside my head, but I know it's not just a matter of right-to-left movement, because when a lefty swings, their draw also feels more satisfying than a fade, even though it's moving the same way my fade would move as a righty. There's something just viscerally sweet about an out-to-in movement, maybe because it's the natural motion of our bodies when we swing at or throw something. A crosscourt forehand in tennis feels better than an inside-out winner; a tailing curveball beats a screwball. Imagine throwing a boomerang—what do you want to see? You want that sucker to go wayyyy out to the right, and then hook around. This is in our bones as a human species. Probably when we hunted wooly mammoths, you got booed by the other tribesmen if the killing stone had a fade trajectory.
Now, a few things to acknowledge:
1. I know most professionals fade the ball; this is because they can already hit their 7-irons 400 yards and a fade is generally safer. That's great for them. My length is average at best and gets worse every year, so their experience doesn't matter to me. Screw the pros and their smug fades.
2. After I tweeted, I was pointed to this fun piece by Brett Cyrgalis, which among other things made the point that there is some science casting doubt on the idea that a draw goes farther. Like Brett, I dismiss this because in my game, there is zero doubt; the fade is the playground wimp getting pulverized by the mighty draw.
3. I imagine roughly 80% of you reading this piece have tips on how I can hit a draw consistently just by strengthening my grip or reciting a dirty limerick about the Welsh before I swing. Don't you dare send them to me, or I will try every single one and tie myself in knots for months.
I'm at the point now in my game where I think I'm willing to sacrifice a little accuracy to get the ball moving in a draw shape. I'm like a middle school kid who wants so badly to hang with the cool kids that I'm willing to smoke cigarettes in the woods behind the school if that's what it takes. Is it bad for me, and will it ultimately make me miserable? Absolutely. Will it feel amazing in the short term? Ohhhh yeah.
People grasp onto identity like it's the last life preserver in a choppy ocean, even though human beings are incredibly changeable over time. It's understandable, because life is scary and it ends, so we need some sense of stability. But the facts we tell ourselves about ourselves are part self-delusion, part wish fulfillment, and it's all anchored less than we hope in reality. Nevertheless, I have decided in my head I am a draw man, and it doesn't matter if course results so far don't quite reflect that identity. I'm a little like the guy who drives an oversized pickup truck but hasn't done ten minutes of manual labor in his entire life. To both of us, our self-conception matters more than the day-to-day truth. But my goal for 2025 is to make the shot shape match the inner experience; to become a draw man both inside and out.
(If your home is built to the left of a fairway in the Durham, NC area, please keep your children out of the front yard until 2026.)
FIVE TOUR THOUGHTS: PLAYERS/VALSPAR EDITION
1. So much happened at the Players Championship, but I can't stop thinking about Rory's par putt on 18 Sunday night, when he read a slight left break, decided to just go at it straight, and watched it jusssst curl in on the right side. I mean, watch this thing:
What is that, a half-inch from being far enough right that it lips out? We already know that golf is a game of incredibly small margins, but it's still crazy how close that came to disaster, and how different the discourse would be today if he'd blown a three-shot lead late with another missed shorty. Would he have just melted into a puddle if it didn't go? Jumped in the pond? If he actually wins a major this year, that putt is going to occupy such an outsized place in my mind, because now he's got a bit of swagger back, and was just a millimeter from kicking it all away.
2. I can't get enough of Viktor Hovland's self-deprecation after he won the Valspar. I believe he's 100% genuine when he talks about his struggles, and he seems to change swing coaches two to three times per day, but it has to be so annoying for every other player when he's holding the trophy and saying, "I am terrible at golf, I can't do anything right, how could this possibly happen?" He's like the kid in history class who aced the test without studying, while you were grinding for hours with the textbook and still forgot who won World War II. He literally said, "I wasn’t even sure I was going to play or not until I got here Tuesday afternoon and played a late nine holes." Then he just waltzed out and won. If I were someone who barely made the cut and walked away with $6k or whatever, I'd be seething.
3. There are always a few players every year who endear themselves in a surprising way, and J.J. Spaun has already made my list in 2025. I followed his progress at Sawgrass and watched his pressers, even though I never ended up writing about him, and he came off as so real, even in his moments of pain. He was like a quieter, less bombastic Billy Horschel, just honest and open at a time when the game's best players are getting more closed off and more chippy every time they speak in public. Even his interview with Barstool where he responded to criticisms about his club choice on 17 in the playoff was illuminating, and just defensive enough that it made you like him more.
4. One TGL thought after watching some of the championships: There continue to be some good moments, most of them involving Horschel, but mannnn this thing desperately needs to be a half hour shorter, minimum. I pray they get this right in the offseason.
5. Has there ever been a more wide open Masters? Scheffler seems to be just enough off his game that you don't expect him to win, Xander hasn't found it yet, Rory should be the favorite but the Augusta curse makes that tough, JT is peaking, Hovland's a winner again, and Morikawa is lurking too. These are famous last words, but I can see us having an absolute banger of a Sunday leaderboard. (I am now squarely to blame when it comes down to Sepp Straka and five amateurs from Finland. Sorry.)
THE ABSOLUTE IRONCLAD LOCKS OF THE WEEK
Golfpocalypse is not a gambling advice service, and you should never heed anything written here. Better picks are here.
Career Record: 7-62. The darkest hour is just before dawn. This is the time when you should be spending more money on these picks, not less.
On the PGA Tour, we have the Houston Open, which is a non-signature event with both Rory and Scottie. Ooooh, baby. I don't know why, but I'm actually getting some big Aaron Rai vibes on this one. I think he's going to slay the juggernauts, and two-glove his way to some Lone Star glory.
The ladies are in Arizona at the Ford Championship, and last time I wrote, "I am picking Jeeno Thitikul until she wins, whether anyone likes it or not. A man must believe in something." So, I guess I'm stuck.
I would like to pick an Indian golfer at the DP World Tour's Indian Open, but when you look at the odds, they are all just packed into the very bottom, with Shubhankar Sharma as the only guy with a real prayer. So in lieu of honoring the host country, I'm going with Francesco LaPorta, because like India, "Italy" begins with an I, has five letters, and is a peninsula-shaped country dangling into a sea/ocean. This is the kind of shit I'm reduced to at this point.
Steven Alker has been hot for the old boys lately, so I'm taking him at the Galleri Classic on the Champions Tour. If Stewart Cink wins the one time I don't pick him, I'm going to be so mad.
At LIV Golf St. Kitts and Nevis, obviously I'm taking the Caribbean Slammer himself, Sunset's Child, Horatio McLucius.
THE "DUMB TAKE I KIND OF BELIEVE"
You know how there's a bunker in the middle of sixth green at Riviera? There should be a small area marked out of bounds on the 18th hole at some tournament, just plunked right down in the middle. No hazard, just tiny white stakes and a roped off circle where if the ball rolls in, you're OB, gotta take stroke and distance. Maybe put a tiny birdhouse in there to justify it. Imagine the combination of heartbreak and rage if you lose a late lead with what should be a green in regulation! It's a million dollar idea!
READER EMAIL OF THE WEEK
I asked for your worst golf instruction stories, and Connor T. Lewis hit me with this doozy:
I was a single digit handicap and shanked it during a warm up to play Stonewall. Played well- no ill effects from that one lateral. The next day I went to play Pine Valley with a buddy/member. On the range I must have hit 40 shanks in a row. I literally couldn’t stop hitting them. My buddy saw this and said, “just stand farther from the ball.” So I played that round with a stance similar to Moe Norman but without his success. I didn’t shank the ball but shot a 94. We played the next day and the same score found its way onto my card.
I was in a bad place- I have never cried while playing golf but man I was close. I went home and tried to play golf and my swing had turned into a banana slice. My draw was gone…I went from hitting the ball 275 yards to maybe 200 yards with 70 yards of slice. About a month in- I wasn’t playing much because of the state of my swing. Thought maybe a break would reset me. A buddy asked me to play Seminole and I turned him down saying, “I’ve lost my swing.” His response: “I know a guy who will fix you. Come to my club he is one of the best in the state.”
So I show up- we make introductions and he asks, “so tell me about your game? What’s your handicap? What’s your ball flight pattern? How can I help you.” I respond: “I am a 4 who has forgotten how to play. My old miss was a hook but now I can only hit banana slices.” He said - let’s see… I hit maybe 20 balls. He interrupts and says without sarcasm or joke: “Listen you have never hit a ****in’ draw in your life. Maybe you hit pulls and you called them draws. Also you ain’t a ****in’ 4…do you take 18 mulligans?”
I waited to see if he was joking. He wasn’t so I replied, “I know my swing is crap- I lost it and I lost it bad.” He interrupted again: “you can’t lose something you don’t have.” Regardless he goes on to tell me that the only way to start my downswing is by making my right hip (I am right handed) push 6 inches to the right (think opposite of a hip bump). I look dumbfounded and try it to no avail. I was worse off than when we started…and he wanted me to schedule a time to come back. I walked off ready to quit the game. My buddy called me and I shared the entire story. He was in shock and said, “we are playing Seminole next week- no matter what.” I told him that there was zero chance that was happening. He replied, “let’s get you a lesson down there at Jupiter Hills.”
Reluctantly I agreed. Get there start my lesson hitting balls and the pro says to me: “You are fine.” I replied, “No I'm not! I'm not a banana slicer. I'm a 4 handicap!” That pro: “yeah, I can see it.” I turned red - I thought he was messing with me. He continued, “your hands look low. Can you get your hands a little higher in your backswing?” Draw, Draw, Draw…shot a 76 at Seminole.
I want that first instructor in prison.
Previously on Golfpocalypse:
If you had to give up golf or sex for the rest of your life, which would it be?
I am the recent victim of golf snobbery, and I'm mad
Should the Tour just move to an F1 style schedule and be done with it?
I was the world's most annoying teenage golf maintenance worker
Can golf still be a spiritual experience in 2024?
There is nothing stranger than a golfer's brain...just ask us
I have the dumbest golf pet peeve, but I can't shake it
If you talk about politics on the course, please, for God's sake, stop
Loving Golf in 2024 is about finding where the money isn't
I believed in the magic of Tiger Woods when I was a kid, but I'm a cynic now
If you can enjoy playing golf alone, you have achieved Nirvana
I took 12 stitches to the head for golf before I even loved it
An annual 'Friends Ryder Cup' trip is the greatest thing in golf
Marshals at public golf courses need to get way meaner
I, and I alone, have the genius tweak to fix the Tour Championship
It cannot be fun to play golf when you're egregiously bad
Confession: I break clubs when I'm mad
Playing golf in bad weather makes me feel alive
Caring what other people think of your golf game is annoying to other people
Sympathize with Rory, because choking sucks